I got into another fight with my father.
It was the usual thing, where I reminded him that he should be using his walker since his legs are collapsing under him and I don’t want him to fall, and he blithely responded that he’d been doing just what “the PT woman Tracy” said and using it “when I’m outdoors occasionally,” and I pointed my finger at him and said, “you lying piece of shit, that’s not what she said,” and he started choking laughing, and the nurse’s aid seemed all uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do except pat him on the back and look toward the door.
Then, when he was done choking, he said that other people don’t call their elderly fathers a lying piece of shit.
And I said, well maybe that’s ‘cause they aren’t all such lying pieces of shit.
And he said someday I should write an autobiography and call it, “The Reason You and I Don’t Communicate Is That You’ve Got Nothing To Say.”
And then we went to lunch, where he listed things I should write about. None of them were things I should write about, but I was reminded of an email he sent me a few years ago, which I saved.
"I Want Equal Time" was the subject header.
It has recently come to my attention, such as it is, that my eldest daughter Marjie writes a blog poking (gentle) fun at her ancient father. In particular, she exploits my math jokes and my occasionally idiosyncratic interpretation of English, claiming that “yesterday night” is not proper. I need to defend myself, for “Yesterday night” is the time that follows yesterday’s daylight.
My father was a linguist, a philologist, which I was told at an early age (mine) that it was “a word detective.” So, I like to deconstruct words. I like to look at words that use negating prefixes, like “un” and “dis' and “de,” although I admit that I sometimes get odd results. So, if “deconstruct” is to tear down, then is “defend” to unfend? And what is “to fend”, anyway, without the “off?”
Recently I have come to like “disgruntled,” and all the things that come with it. I can imagine a dictionary entry: Gruntled, the warm feeling that comes after raping and pillaging (old Viking). One can go on, creating a whole new category of “fake words,” like “to gruntle,” etc. Would the world be a better place if kids were told to use “gruntling” in a sentence? I bet it would.
Anyway, I remember, oh so long ago, one early spring when Marjie was perhaps 4 or 5, and the leaves were not yet out, that we went walking and I pointed out to her that the leaves on the trees would soon be changing into many colors, at which point Marjie exclaimed “Daddy, you did it!” when that indeed came to pass. It’s all been uphill since then. Actually, I bet that I’ll be corrected, by saying it should be “downhill.” In that sentence, “downhill” means things got worse, and “uphill” means what, that things were harder? Either one captures the essence of our relationship. I thought of “even,” but that is simply not so.
On that…
Ramón
That “oh so long ago” was unnecessary, don’t you think?
I responded to his email at the time:
Dad,
I would like to point out that one contributor to the relentless down or uphill of our relationship is that, unlike regular fathers, you let me believe that you were responsible for changing the leaves.
And then, when I found out it wasn’t you and called you on it, you said, “Yes, well, on that,” and wandered away, but not before criticizing me for being bad at math.
Love,
Your Daughter
To which he replied:
What self-respecting father would do otherwise?
I’m just saying, I’m not sure I’m the problem here.
Morning Teasitisms
It is the absolute height of iced tea season, where I’ll drink as much as I make, so pulling out all the ridiculous and fun teapots is worth the washing up.
This morning’s splurge is the pomegranate black tea, made very strong to water it down with ice and for the extra caffeine kick.
I love your father. I love your relationship with your father. I love that you share both with us. Thank you.
Please bring us more word debates! I’m gonna start using yesterday night. And frequently feel gruntled already!
Fabulous wordplay from you both!
Such fun!
(Sorry about all the exclamation marks, they felt very necessary. )