Important I think to be open and honest about these challenges but also not to lay all the blame at one door. As an adopted person the more severe crap was with the bios not the “being adopted” and the adopters. And before adopters heap blame on themselves for challenges their adopted child deals with such as depression remember biologically we come from stock that is statistically more likely to have had similar challenges. Doesn’t mean we aren’t and can’t be great but as one who has walked down this road as you have tho from different beginnings I’d urge focus on what helps acknowledging the pain but not letting it define. I leave you with a happy anecdote. Decades ago at a New Year’s Eve party of people who had almost all left home for career reasons the topic off missing “the folks” came up. Turned out about 1/5 of us were adopted which we discovered at the same time we found it was more that group that “wished the folks could materialize for a new years hug)
If you haven't read The Meth Lunches, I highly recommend it. Lots of trauma, drama, and food along with stories of fostering and adoption. One of the few books I have read recently that kept me up at night, turning the pages to find out what happened next.
A moving and insightful post, Marjie. Thank you. I appreciate your responses to the comments below.
As one of the readers of the draft of your book, I want to clarify that you DID a great job on the book. It pulled me in and kept me there. It was provocative, entertaining, insightful, sad, and funny. That's great for an early draft. Keep at it because you have a lot to contribute to the discussion on adoption.
Your essay and the book make me think about adoption in a new way, one which I hadn't considered much before. Our experiences of the process and those 29 years have been different and I'm a little disappointed in myself that I haven't pondered the business and the process more thoughtfully.
I sent this post to my son. I hope we can discuss it.
Don't worry about your hair, lighting, and make up. Your voice, message, insight, and thoughtfulness far outweighed a few strands of displaced gray hairs.
And this is another example of how you write wonders in a very short time period. Congratulations. Abrazos y besos.
Being neither an adoptive parent nor an adoptee I truly appreciate this intro to a problem I'd never thought about but now want to learn more. Beautiful writing.
This was eye opening and makes sense. The idea of spending this money on supporting the mothers makes even more sense.
The little I have read about forced adoptions from earlier decades horrified me, the knowledge of our Stolen Generations policy is abhorrent to me, but I had assumed that other adoptions weren’t quite as traumatic.
Of course I was wrong. Reading your piece made me sit up and think about all those assumptions.
The only way to make it better is to abolish adoption. Are you willing to stand up and call for that? Adoptees were talking about this in the 90s, you just didn't actively seek out our voices because you wanted what you wanted. This is just another typical, self centering adopter narrative that does *nothing* to uplift ADOPTEE voices.
Important I think to be open and honest about these challenges but also not to lay all the blame at one door. As an adopted person the more severe crap was with the bios not the “being adopted” and the adopters. And before adopters heap blame on themselves for challenges their adopted child deals with such as depression remember biologically we come from stock that is statistically more likely to have had similar challenges. Doesn’t mean we aren’t and can’t be great but as one who has walked down this road as you have tho from different beginnings I’d urge focus on what helps acknowledging the pain but not letting it define. I leave you with a happy anecdote. Decades ago at a New Year’s Eve party of people who had almost all left home for career reasons the topic off missing “the folks” came up. Turned out about 1/5 of us were adopted which we discovered at the same time we found it was more that group that “wished the folks could materialize for a new years hug)
If you haven't read The Meth Lunches, I highly recommend it. Lots of trauma, drama, and food along with stories of fostering and adoption. One of the few books I have read recently that kept me up at night, turning the pages to find out what happened next.
A moving and insightful post, Marjie. Thank you. I appreciate your responses to the comments below.
As one of the readers of the draft of your book, I want to clarify that you DID a great job on the book. It pulled me in and kept me there. It was provocative, entertaining, insightful, sad, and funny. That's great for an early draft. Keep at it because you have a lot to contribute to the discussion on adoption.
Your essay and the book make me think about adoption in a new way, one which I hadn't considered much before. Our experiences of the process and those 29 years have been different and I'm a little disappointed in myself that I haven't pondered the business and the process more thoughtfully.
I sent this post to my son. I hope we can discuss it.
Don't worry about your hair, lighting, and make up. Your voice, message, insight, and thoughtfulness far outweighed a few strands of displaced gray hairs.
And this is another example of how you write wonders in a very short time period. Congratulations. Abrazos y besos.
Being neither an adoptive parent nor an adoptee I truly appreciate this intro to a problem I'd never thought about but now want to learn more. Beautiful writing.
This was eye opening and makes sense. The idea of spending this money on supporting the mothers makes even more sense.
The little I have read about forced adoptions from earlier decades horrified me, the knowledge of our Stolen Generations policy is abhorrent to me, but I had assumed that other adoptions weren’t quite as traumatic.
Of course I was wrong. Reading your piece made me sit up and think about all those assumptions.
Powerfully written, Marjie. Open and honest - thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life on this platform.
The only way to make it better is to abolish adoption. Are you willing to stand up and call for that? Adoptees were talking about this in the 90s, you just didn't actively seek out our voices because you wanted what you wanted. This is just another typical, self centering adopter narrative that does *nothing* to uplift ADOPTEE voices.