I have a friend who’s a very positive person, but I like him anyway.
His Facebook wall is filled with photos of sunsets, and clouds he’s flying above, winging his way to dozens of places a year. There are beaches, snapshots of him and his husband after they’ve finished their weekly half marathon through a cherry blossom orchard or a brewery or something, smiling family, and his many appropriately adoring colleagues.
In contrast, my Facebook post yesterday showed a photo of a woman seated in a U-shaped teak and ebony stand-alone hammock. She was staring out at the horizon, draped in several types of feather-soft natural fibers in shades of sea-foam green, holding her mug of what undoubtedly was an oat milk and lotus blossom tea sustainably sourced from Easter Island.
My caption read:
Sometimes you don't realize what mood you're in til you're scrolling past a Facebook ad and say, "Who is this fucking bitch?" out loud.
Nevertheless, I appreciate positivity.
People get in the habit of things, and give me a positivity-habit person any day over those who choose to whine, complain, denigrate, snark, and find fault in everything all the time. Those people can deflate the sun.
But you’ve got to keep your eye on positivity. Beneath it one often finds roiling puddles of something else.
Is there anything wrong with that?
No. I just like to notice subtext. It’s fun, and you get a much better understanding of the whole story. The Emperor is always naked underneath, even if he’s wearing the latest runway fashions.
Some people are of course toxic about it, scatter-shooting their evangelical tone-deaf cheer into rooms with their eyes closed and their guns on fully automatic. In pain? Lost a friend? Overwhelmed by the world’s suffering? Cheer up and turn that frown upside down! Let’s go for a run and then post five things we’re most grateful for!
My friend is not like that. I mean, he does run, but other than that he’s a relatively well-rounded man with a healthy evil streak that he tries not to set free. But we are friends for a reason.
The biggest challenge I face in our relationship is the self-control needed not to comment on his Facebook posts. I like to think I ground him in certain ways, but he’s got a wide range of followers reading his stuff, and I don’t want to offend them or overly-embarrass him. I often delete the things I say on his posts seconds after writing them.
The other day, for instance, he posted from a conference where he was lecturing. The photo was of a couple of Post-it notes laden with “you’re amazings!” and “have a great days!” and happy faces, and his caption was something like, I don’t know who left these on my lectern, but thank you!
I commented.
Whoever left those has duct tape and rope in their car.
I deleted it.
Positivity is one thing. Positivity on Post-it notes is kind of creepy. There’s never just one note, for starters. Positivity on Post-it notes left anonymously at your workstation?
Call 911.
These are the kinds of people who’ll walk out of a bathroom stall even though you checked under the doors and swear you saw no feet in any of them. You checked because you just needed a moment alone. They’ll pick the sink next to yours to wash their hands. They’ll make eye contact in the mirror.
You won’t remember them, but they’ll mention some off-hand comment you made twelve years ago at a conference in Houston, or Cincinnati. It will have either changed or ruined their life.
They’ll remind you that they went to grade school with your cousin. The crazy one you do your best to never see. “Remind” in that you don’t think you’ve ever met them before, but surely you remember that.
Later, they will publicly gift you with a package of homemade baked goods they brought in their suitcase from home. The tissue paper they’re wrapped in will smell like cats. They will wait to watch you eat one.1
Positivity has its limits, is all I’m saying, and the problem with super-positive people is that in order to be that way all the time they’ve largely had to turn off the early warning systems those of us in the more moderately positive camp rely on.
I should really call him before he eats one of those cookies.
Morning Teaistisms
The season has turned and it’s getting cold enough in the mornings for teas with a kick. Today is Chocolate Ginger tea, not a first cup of the day tea, for me, but a good “maintenance tea” through the midday hours. It’s got a slight ginger kick, and a light chocolate hint, but nothing too pushy.
This seems like a good time to remind people of the fantastic applet creator IFTTT, which stands for If This Then That. Millions of actions are possible with IFTTT, including domestic and international escape hatches. With the mere tap of a button on your smart watch, you can cause your phone to ring. You can even have a recorded message, say of your kids saying they’re trapped in the basement and need help immediately.
😃Post-It Note: Have you called yet about that cookie? 😃😃
Marjie, I love a good snark. Do overly positive people walk on the same planet I do? Do they walk at all or do they float? Still laughing.